Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way.
Cheryl Maguire wrote the article “Building social capital is critical for strong relationships. ADHD can get in the way” for the Washington Post February 3, 2022. She begins by describing a woman who created a more than 100 page-long memory book for a pregnant classmate, then realized on her flight that she had forgotten to pack the memory book. Having been diagnosed with ADHD at age 9, at 35, this was not her first embarrassment. Maguire continues:
She frequently misplaces important items, runs late or struggles with a disorganized purse — all symptoms of ADHD. She has been labeled a “flake” because she forgets social engagements or to reply to texts. People have often told her, “If it was important to you, you’d remember.”
The repercussions of such missteps are an important yet underdiscussed issue for children and adults diagnosed with ADHD. While most people think of this disorder as causing difficulties with completing assignments in school or the workplace, it can also lead to a deficit in what experts call “social capital.”
She goes on to define Social capital as “the network and goodwill that you have with other people that help you not only accomplish tasks, but also maintain important social connections. . . . Once you amass social capital, you can then draw on it by asking for help when needed.
She then identifies some of the reasons why children and adults with ADHD sometimes lack social capital:
Poorly managed ADHD. Failure to treat symptoms — such as not paying attention or being disorganized — with medication or counseling, can lead to relationship problems.
Trouble with social cues. People with ADHD may impulsively interrupt or have trouble waiting their turn. They may seem less invested in social relationships.
Lack of face-to-face peer interactions. She notes that many kids with ADHD are drawn to the stimulation video games provide, but fail to learn how to develop relationships that are not superficial.
Difficulty with executive-functioning skills, e.g., organization, planning, and memory skills as important to relationships as to school and work. People with ADHD sometimes struggle with what experts call “time blindness” — when you are unaware of the passage of time.
Other people’s misunderstanding of ADHD. People often see the liabilities associated with ADHD as character defects or simply not caring enough about the relationship.
She moves on to address how a lack of social capital affects children and adults with ADHD. First, a lack of social capital may translate to a lack of friends. A 2021 study done at the Peres Academic Center in Israel found that parents of children with ADHD perceived their kids as lonelier than those without the diagnosis. Second, a 2019 study conducted at the University at Buffalo showed that adults with ADHD experienced more interpersonal problems compared to those without the diagnosis. They may try to make up for their lack of social capital by being people-pleasers and being taken advantage of. Lack of social confidence tends to spiral into greater problems.
Finally, she addresses how to build social capital:
Manage ADHD symptoms.
Set up positive social environments.
Educating others about ADHD.